My Top 5 2011 Lists List

It’s nearing the end of the year! You know what that means!

It’s the time of year when everyone looks back at the past 360 days or so and starts counting things!

Top ____ Games, Songs, Albums, TV Shows, Movies, Gaffes, Pictures, News Stories, Sexual Conquests, yadda yadda yadda.

…But who am I to not jump on this lucrative bandwagon? I say lucrative because I hear tell that the best list wins the duffel bag full of cash. But they have to win in their category before being allowed to enter the final tournament. So, instead of the standard categories, I’m going after the unique category of lists!

So, here it is! My top 5 lists list of 2011!

5. Cracked.com

Okay. This is clearly not a list. It is a website. But, if you’ve ever been to the website, you know it is chock full of lists. And pretty awesome lists at that. Some awesome. Some ridiculous. But, really, how the heck could I pick just one? We’ve got stuff about Donald Duck being an inventor, insanely detailed film directors, video game commercials, vindicated movie villains… Just a whole lot of fun, interesting and entertaining articles. I will dub them intertaining. …That looks like I can’t spell. Enteresting. …that one, too. Crud. Well, how’s about I just link you to their own list of the 25 most read Cracked.com articles of 2011? Don’t get sucked in too badly, though. Or do. It’s pretty fun either way.

4. RottenTomatoes.com Top 100 Movies of 2011

Let me be frank. Just this once. Then I’ll go back to being Sean. (RIMSHOT!) This list is on here because of entry #14: “The Muppets.” As you may possibly recall, I really really really liked “The Muppets” a whole lot. The reason the Golden Globe nominations will not be receiving a spot on my top anything list (except possibly top BOOHISSYOUSUCK list) is partly because they completely ignored “The Muppets” this year, and it is particularly deserving a nomination in Best Picture – Comedy or Musical (They had 6 for drama, why not comedy?) and either Best Original Score or Best Original Song (“Man or Muppet”). But it’s not like I’ve had a terribly big opinion of the Golden Globes. Only reason I really watch the dern things is for Ricky Gervais.

3. Twitter’s @Fart Christmas tweet collection

Unlike the previous two entries on this list (well, sort of with the first one), this is more a compilation of stuff than a numbered list. Still, it suffices in my mind. See, this is either the largest collection of Twitter names for people that dearly need to be slapped with a cod weighing no less than 30 pounds and be sent to live in Rwanda for 5 years or so, or the most hilarious collection of tweets attempting to emulate the #FirstWorldProblems meme that’s been going around lately. So, either Americans are by and large terrible, self-important overindulged jackwagons, or Americans are by and large terrible, self-important overindulged jackwagons that have recognized that fact and can laugh at themselves. …I don’t know which is worse, really.

2. Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show”: Politifact on FOX News

Well, this list wouldn’t be mine if I didn’t start gabbing about politics, would it? Apparently, since no really conclusive nationwide survey has ever been taken on the massive ignorance beheld by the American nation at large, Jon Stewart’s claim made while being interviewed on a FOX News show that FOX News viewers are consistently the most misinformed people in every poll and survey was, in fact, not quite accurate. After all, I’m certain a FOX News poll done in-house wouldn’t show that result at all. Shame on you, Stewart, for not letting us take you completely literally. However, in response to the fact checker Politifact.com calling Stewart on his mistake, “The Daily Show” and Stewart created an excellent bit listing off the many many many lies and misinformations spread by FOX News called out by Politifact that have gone by with no correction or even vague notice by the news network. Wonder if they’ll ever admit to making a mistake that isn’t accidentally putting Obama’s picture up for Mitt Romney.

And now… the number one list on my top 5 lists of 2011!

1. ChaoticPen’s Top 5 Lists

I’m all for being meta and pretending I have a huge ego. And, frankly, this is the best dern list of lists of 2011 I’ve ever seen.

Honorable Mention: Franz Liszt

Have I ever mentioned that I also love word puns? And while Liszt can still be listened to in his piano playing glory to this day, he regrettably gets disqualified for being born a couple of centuries ago. 200 years ago, in fact. Still, my fondness for classical music and word puns are enough to get him mentioned.

Second First Time Viewer – Choose Your Writer’s Adventure!

So, I’ve been on this Muppet kick for my blog with The Dome UA for the past 6 weeks or so, in preparation for the movie that came out today. Which has a 97% on RottenTomatoes right now. I am so mother-flipping excited. I will flip a mother. And potentially watch the movie in theaters twice, something I’ve only done for “Watchmen” and “Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World.”

Anyway, after 7 posts about the Muppets movies, I’ve decided I should move beyond Muppets films (even though I could keep going with “The Dark Crystal” and the three “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” live action films). But I’ve been stuck on this trend for so long, I’ve been having a difficult time deciding what to watch and write about next.

And then an idea hit me. First, I figure, why not do Christmas movies? I mean, Christmas is right around the corner. And with those, I could watch and comment on films that I’ve never actually seen, like “It’s A Wonderful Life,” “A Christmas Story” and “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Or other Christmas themed movies I’ve never seen, of which I’m certain there are several.

But I realized that other people probably know more movies than I do. And it might be more entertaining if I’m forced to watch movies I would never ever watch ever.

So, I’m giving my readers that opportunity. I am opening up the polls! Starting with Christmas movies I’ve never seen (So no “Muppet Christmas Carol,” “Jingle All The Way” or “Nightmare Before Christmas” or Charlie Brown Christmas special thingy.), but moving rapidly on to movies in general. I am letting you good people decide my fate. Anything from “Citizen Kane” or “Throne of Blood” to “Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1” or “Alone in the Dark.” Granted, I would like to keep the movies at least somewhat palatable to a general audience, so please nothing immensely graphic, be it porno- or otherwise. Nor anything immensely inappropriate and crude. I leave you all to make the judgments.

There exists many a movie I’ve never seen. This could be your chance to torture me or culture me. My fate is in your hands. Just comment and let me know what you want me to watch, and that’ll get put on my list. If it’s approved, I’ll put it on the aforementioned other blog (as well as this one). If it isn’t approved, I’ll see about doing it only on this blog.

I know I said I’d expand on yesterday’s political post, but I figure I needed to get this idea out there ASAP. Anyway, have a good Thanksgiving, people, and please… don’t come to my Walmart Friday. I’m sure I’ll be too busy as it is.

Second First Time Viewer – “The Muppet Christmas Carol”

You almost got to see my commentary on this film before the people at The Dome UA did. That would’ve been exciting, yes? Anyway, I actually had a few things I felt I could’ve talked about, like, “How is Herman Cain still being considered as a viable candidate?” or something more religious oriented that I’ve discussed in part in my previous posts, based on what a friend of mine posited the other day. However, due to time constraints on my part, I grant you with my commentary on the fourth of the six feature films starring The Muppets. The newest movie (which will bump the number up to seven) comes out a week from today. Get excited, folks. And after that movie comes out, I’ll finally be able to actually do my Big Screen Ballyhoo segment I announced a long time ago. Because I’m going to go watch and review and hopefully love that movie. Anyway… Walmart tells me it’s Christmas time, so here’s a movie to match that.

“The Muppet Christmas Carol,” fourth film in the Muppet film series. It was produced in 1992, the first Muppet film to have no involvement from Jim Henson. He had unfortunately died two years before. Billed as a musical comedy adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” the movie remains pleasantly accurate and surprisingly dramatic/scary at some points. And with Michael Caine, a powerhouse in the acting world, this movie may actually be the best Muppet film out there yet. Not quite my favorite, but it is definitely in a battle to the death with “The Muppet Movie” for that title. Without a doubt, though, this is my favorite Dickens-related venture ever.

Oh, holy crap! Jim Henson AND Richard Hunt died before this movie was made? That’s… depressing. It’s good that Brian Henson was cool with picking up the slack in directing.

Michael Caine as Scrooge? …this and Muppets will likely make this movie the most tolerable Dickens feature yet.

I’m actually liking the random Muppety hustle and bustle in the opening here. Especially the presence of the dog from “Fraggle Rock.”

I like Gonzo as Dickens. This has the potential to be quite funny.

This song about Scrooge at the opening is a great mood setter. And a fun song.

…oh, God, those mice are ridiculously cute.

Was that a Muppet doing a puppet show? That’s… weird.

Proof Scrooge is someone everyone is deathly afraid of: Someone thanks him for not yelling at them after being bodily thrown out into the streets.

If only putting on some tropical outfits were enough to make things seem warmer.

It’s actually really difficult to constantly comment on this movie. It’s really keeping my attention. …so, that’s a good thing.

To sum up, Scrooge is a rather cruel, vindictive miser, his nephew is a cheery, optimistic ray of sunshine with huuuuuuuge cajones to act like that around Scrooge, and Rizzo is Gonzo/Dickens’ whipping boy.

I wonder how much of this dialogue is actually drawn directly from the original story.

Okay, seriously, the ONLY sign that Scrooge can be possibly redeemed from his shriveled up misery is the fact that he hasn’t yet killed his nephew for his cheekiness and suggestions of Scrooge’s generosity to the poor.

Beaker and Honeydew have to be new to this town, considering exactly how many people in the opening song knew Scrooge was more of a penny-pincher than the stereotypical Shylock-esque Jew.

Oh, a bunny! …I like bunnies. …this one is going to die, isn’t he?

Good, Kermit. Appeal to Scrooge’s desire to save money. Manipulate his lack of humanity. …I wonder if this is a fight they always have every year, or if this group was simply hired after the Marleys died?

The massive amount of positive thinking Bob Cratchit must have could power several cities, I bet, what with his ability to sing so cheerily despite working for Scrooge.

I want to hug that bunny and warm him up and keep him as a pet forever.

Okay, the door knocker changing to Statler’s face is simultaneously the coolest and creepiest effect I’ve seen in a Muppet movie. Excluding “The Dark Crystal,” which doesn’t really count.

What the heck is Rizzo, part squirrel?

“Hoity-toity, Mr. God-like smarty pants” is something I’d love to have been able to have said to Charles Dickens.

Ask not for whom the bell ring-a-lings, it ring-a-lings for you, Scrooge.

I like Scrooge’s explanation for seeing ghosts. “There’s more of gravy than of grave about you.”

Okay, “Marley and Marley” is probably my second favorite Muppet song ever.

I have to admit: Scrooge is actually pretty brave/stubborn. I probably would have eliminated my bladder if that happened to me.

Gonzo calling someone an idiot for jumping from a perilous height instead of walking? I figured he’d approve of that.

Sleeping Caine looks so young…

Okay. I know I’ve been too affected by Harry Potter when I thought Gonzo was going to shout “Expecto Patronum.”

I have absolutely no idea how that young girl ghost effect was made, but it’s pretty neat.

Ooh, light at the end of the tunnel is the past? That’ll make the afterlife more interesting.

Did Rizzo just say he’s from New Jersey? Who knew?

I am rather loving the Muppety busts of the great thinkers of the past. Needs more Socrates, though.

Skipping Christmas to get your 4.0? GPA kills childhoods!

Sam the Eagle is a British schoolmaster now? He keeps getting put in the wrong country.

…rubber chicken factory? …yeah, that sounds like 19th century London.

Mrs. Fozziwig sounds strangely like the old guy at the desk at the Happiness Hotel.

It wouldn’t be Electric Mayhem if they didn’t get really fast and crazy.

I admit: I don’t remember Scrooge being engaged. Tells you how much attention I pay to Dickens in general.

Wow. This song sounds just a little bit too upbeat to be a breakup song. In other news, this movie teaches children to marry without consideration for any financial cost. …of course, you could just get married without a massively lavish ceremony.

I love how this turned into a duet between the girl and Caine’s Scrooge.

Oh, God, Caine is crying. And it’s making me sad. It’s terrible when a good actor does sad roles, because it just makes you sad, too. ADMIT IT, YOU ARE SAD AS WELL.

In Scrooge’s defence, heartbreak is painful and can make a miser out of anyone.

Holy crap, that is a HUGE Muppet. Or, at least, he looks rather large. And seems rather dumb.

So, not really Ghost of Christmas Present, but rather Ghost of the Christmas That’s Scheduled to Happen Today.

Scrooge is dancing? I guess he just needed a good cry and a good song.

What the heck are those frog monster Muppets?

…Oh, wow. Sucks to find out your nephew/only family thinks so lowly of you despite being such a cheerful fellow.

Wow, Chef Piggy sounds creepy.

Oh, God, there’s three Piggies. Kermit’s screwed.

Was that a squeaky toy Miss Piggy had while hugging Kermit?

Insulting Scrooge’s clothing? Gasp! That’s just stepping over the line.

Dying spirit says, “Eat your own words, Scrooge! EAT THEM.”

Oh, snap. The next spirit is The Nothing. Scrooge, you’re so screwed. Oh, no wait. It’s a Nazgul. …still screwed.

Okay, the swirly time tunnel effect? Also very cool. This Muppet movie is going crazy special on the effects.

For some reason, the spider Muppet makes me think of Fagan. I’m getting my Dickens all mixed up.

Oh, God. The “Tiny Tim is dead” scene is so depressing. This movie keeps trying to make me cry. That’s just uncalled for.

You would never expect a Muppet movie to show how amazing an actor is, but Caine is phenomenal in this film.

I didn’t even realize exactly how much better than entire segment with Christmas Yet To Come was without Gonzo narrating.

And the bunny child runs off with the money, destroying all the good Scrooge feels now.

Why is no one asking if Scrooge is drunk or stoned? Most complete 180s in personality are suspicious as hell.

Old Fozzie and Old Sam look awesome.

It’s good to see Piggy still has anger problems.

And now the Cratchits are hosts to the entire town. I don’t care how big that turkey is, it won’t feed that many people and Muppets.

Holy crap, there’s a LINE to get in on this Christmas dinner. Or at least to see the freakish personality shift in Scrooge. Little known fact: Scrooge sold tickets. He may be happier, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like money.

Y’know what, screw “It’s a Wonderful Life.” THIS is the movie that needs to be on TV every year.

Hey, look, I’m man enough to admit, I teared up a couple of times during this movie. Michael Caine is phenomenal in this film (which is not surprising), and the movie finds an amazing balance between Muppety hilarity, faithful story telling, and heart-wrenching drama. There’s not much else for me to say, other than forget RottenTomatoes.com. If there’s something that website has completely wrong, it’s their ratings for the Muppet films. Humbug.