Tag Archives: Herman Cain

What Makes The Government So Inherently Evil?

In watching and reading the events of this political season, I’ve noticed a funny little trend going on that seems perhaps strangely related to the disdain to progressivism I’ve mentioned before

See, the past year has been focused almost entirely on the GOP, since they’re the ones trying to break into the incumbency of President Barack Obama. So, of course, we hear a whole lot of rhetoric and statements from them. And one of the common threads I keep noticing is just how terrible the government is.

It’s weird. They talk like the government as a system is designed to ruin lives. Like citizens should fear the government, especially in its current form.

…by, you know, voting to let one of them be in control of that really terrible evil thing.

And I don’t get the rhetoric. Really, it makes no sense. Just like the Tea Party rhetoric makes no sense often times to me. Because it always seems to be this outcry against the government, the federal machine as a whole… except for all the wonderful things they’d like to keep around. Y’know, like roads, cops, Medicare… That stuff.

The GOP candidates, on the other hand, decry the federal government and how terrible it is… but they’re all running to, well, run it. And with exception of Mitt Romney, they’ve all been a part of it. Granted, I don’t recall Ron Paul ever saying the government is evil, but his stance is definitely anti-federalist.

Now, if every one of them were talking about shrinking the size and scope and power of the federal government to eliminate its direct effect on the lives of its citizens, I’d understand. But Paul is about the only one that thinks that. The other three are all about having the government make drastic changes, they just want it to be drastic sweeping changes in their political favor.

Mitt Romney wants to repeal “Obamacare,” which could just be seen as a reversal of a sweeping change, but really it’s the only thing I’ve found he’s said and stuck to mostly. Rick Santorum wants to reinstitute “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and federally, nationally ban gay marriage through a constitutional amendment, which flies in the face of state’s rights, something most conservatives are all about. And Newt Gingrich wants to build a moon base. I suppose that’s not really a great example, but it is a bit silly. Which Gingrich is.

If you listen to each of them, they demonize federal government. And if you listen closer, they want to use it to make drastic changes. The examples were perhaps more plentiful when Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry were around to talk about things like immigration, but perhaps you see my point.

When did the federal government become something despised? Something people refuse to see as something potentially helpful? Granted, Congress certainly doesn’t help the image much, but the federal government is there for a reason. So many people talk about the Constitution and how awesome it is… well, that Constitution gave us the government we have. Now, I may be risking cries of treason being thrown at me, but our government isn’t perfect. Gasp. Shocking, I know. There are several issues with our government, often dealing with money being too easily bandied about and into the pockets of Congresspeople. But we can use the system to help. We can make things better with it.

But only if people stop talking about how evil it is. Until people start talking about how they will use the government to do things and not how they hate the government and we should protest everything they do always, nothing good will happen.

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Gingrich: Screw The Rules, I Have Morals!

Okay. Kim Jong-Il is apparently dead, so there’s that big news. Nothing much for me to say except, man, the foreign jerkwads seem to be dying off en mass this year, don’t they? Now, if only we could get some of the jerks in America to either A) die and leave us all alone or B) actually do some good. Where’s the ghosts of Christmas when you need them?

So, instead of Kimmy, I’m going to bring your attention to this little piece of news about another one of current GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich’s stances on American politics.

Basically, in his opinion, he (plus Congress maybe) should have the final say on whether or not court decisions should be upheld based on his own interpretations of the morals and traditional values of these United States.

That’s right. A guy that was paid $30,000 an hour by Freddie Mac as a “historian” during the housing bubble and subsequent burst, the guy that wants to have children work as janitors in schools under the tutelage of a “master,” the guy that is currently the frontrunner for one of the two major political parties in the US for candidacy for president of the US…

That guy basically wants to take checks and balances and throw them out whenever he feels like it.

Man, it’s like Nixon all over again. “I can’t be a crook! Presidents are above the law!” This fundamental lack of understanding about checks and balances and the workings of our United States Constitution is appalling, and down-right frightening for a presidential candidate to have. I thought Herman Cain not knowing a single thing about a single country outside of our borders was frightening and scary. But it’s a lack of knowledge of things happening INSIDE our borders that scares me more.

This is NOT a guy that needs to be in the White House. This is a guy that needs to be in a civics class.

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Politics Overload…

Herman Cain dropped out of the GOP race (and quoted Pokemon?) and the ever fabulous, ever a joke super-birther Donald Trump will be moderating a GOP debate that many are refusing to attend?

Can’t wait to hear what “The Daily Show” says about all that.

For me, I’m out for tonight. Sorry. I once again fail at making posts early. One day, I’ll fix that error.

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Why Aren’t People Looking At The Candidates?

This post will likely be brief. Long hours at work and the nearing Thanksgiving holiday find creative ways to eat at my time and energy. I will hopefully introduce the discussion in this post and go into more intelligent, pensive depth in a later post. Apologies for the low quality as of late.

Something I’ve noticed lately, brought on by a passing, brief joke made by Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show,” is that voters don’t seem to be paying very much attention to the candidates at all. Stewart’s joke was something like, “It’s amazing what paying attention to a candidate can do to their campaign.”

And isn’t it? Every single GOP front runner that has not been Mitt Romney, that has basked in severe media adoration, has seen a cataclysmic fall the moment scrutiny is turned toward them. Michele Bachmann suffered when people realized, via HPV vaccines and other subjects, she didn’t seem to know much about what she was talking about. Rick Perry suffered from racist rocks at hunting grounds, confusion and weariness at debates, and a speech a man would be hard pressed to emulate without alcohol in his system. Herman Cain got slammed by a complete lack of knowledge of foreign politics and a completely too thorough knowledge of women that aren’t his wife. And now Newt Gingrich, as the front man, is being hit with accusations of greedy lobbying, “dickishness,” and rather ridiculous plans that are grounded in the idea that child labor laws are stupid.

…my question is, how did these guys become front runners in the first place? Why don’t people actually research and get to know the candidate beyond a random sound bite? Bachmann’s popularity soared with her Tea Party backing, as did Perry’s. Cain’s homespun attitude and political purity, plus his status as a cancer survivor, helped out quite a bit. Gingrich’s disdain for all things liberal and seeming refusal to be afraid to show that disdain have given him a boost.

Note that pretty much none of those things have to do with what a president of the United States needs.

Final thought for now: The constant second place runner, the man most likely to be nominated by the GOP, has pretty much resorted to blatantly lying, or at least being blatantly dishonest, to gain more press coverage and news time covering his taking the fight to Obama. Do we really need a president that will do that without even pretending to have moral qualms?

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Sexual Harassment Is Real

So, while news has been as flowing and ever-changing as the events in the world happen to make it, recently there were two stories that stuck around for a time and still have their effects affecting events today. These two stories deal with a subject that somehow can be both a subject of disregard and humor as well as a subject of immense disgust and near-horror.

That subject is sexual harassment, from its simplest, word-bound form to its extreme opposite, sexual assault.

As most should have heard at this point, GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain was revealed to have had several allegations of sexual harassment brought against him while he was president of the National Restaurant Association. Those allegations resulted in settlements, essentially hush-money. At least five women by my count came out against Cain saying he sexually harassed them to varying degrees, from offering sexual activities verbally to attempting physical contact.

The other story, one that perhaps brings about more nausea in the reader, is the one involving Penn State’s former football assistant coach and defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky. As likely everyone has heard by now, Sandusky faces 40 charges due to accusations of his involvement sexually abusing eight young boys over 15 years. Mike McQueary testified to seeing Sandusky raping one of the children in the shower rooms.

As you may be able to guess, if you were in some sort of state of complete ignorance to the Penn State happenings, there was a massive public outcry when news broke over Sandusky. People have threatened Mike McQueary with death for his apparent inaction, former football head coach Joe Paterno and former Penn State President Graham Spanier were fired soon into the incident’s news cycle, and the general gut reaction was one of major disgust toward people involved in the scandal, particularly Sandusky.

Meanwhile, the reaction to Cain’s entry into the sexual shenanigans news cycle was… well, at worst a “tsk tsk,” at its lightest, laughter and joking.

Granted, humor in response to these situations is almost a necessary thing. It helps keep us from being stuck in a bad, negative area of thought. It helps keep us away from wanting to punch things and closer to a mental area that lets us stay calm and think rationally. So, thank goodness for “The Daily Show.”

That said, however… I found it odd and somewhat disturbing that several reactions I personally became aware of over the Cain story were simple dismissive jokes. Things like, “Is it okay to hug you? I don’t want to get charged with sexual harassment later in life!” Or, “I want to say you look pretty, but I’m afraid someone will tell me I’m harassing you!”

I’m trying to pinpoint the phenomenon in play here, and it’s quite difficult. With Sandusky, the mere suggestion of child rape makes people go into an apoplectic rage. Our children are a precious commodity, so long as we’re not trying to encourage healthier eating or anything. Child abuse in ANY form is frowned upon severely, as the outrage over the recent story of a Texan judge viciously beating his daughter showed (though discipline gets a little shady for some people). And while Newt Gingrich thinks child labor laws are “truly stupid,” the large majority of people in American society get very defensive when kids are involved. And if the situation involves both kids and sex? Thinks are about to get crazy.

Switch over to rape of adults. By and large, people tread very lightly around that subject. It’s disturbing and makes people uncomfortable. But even more awkward are the people that like to blame rape victims. “You shouldn’t have dressed that way.” Suddenly, with adults, we see ourselves slipping away from instant, unanimous outrage and slipping closer to disregard. Not that people view rape as anything less than heinous, by and large. They just sometimes feel like sharing blame with the victim for the carelessness they showed. Wearing a skirt and walking alone. Who does that?

And turning away from the middle, we land on the lighter, simpler sexual harassment Cain has been accused of. And the subject seems to be largely ignored by the common man. (And woman, too, oddly enough. Most of those jokes I heard came from women.) There are some jerks that disbelieve rape victims by and large, and there are unfortunately people that call rape falsely, “validating” those that ignore the issue. But, fortunately, those jerks on both sides of the equation are few.

Yet, when sexual harassment becomes an issue, the people that think that way seem to crawl out of the woodwork. On both sides. People falsely cry sexual harassment to further themselves in the workplace or to screw someone else they don’t like over. But, meanwhile, those that are actually being sexually harassed are largely ignored and found to be whiny. When I say “sexually harassed,” people instantly think of someone overreacting to a stray comment or gesture intended as platonic affection.

Plays like David Mamet’s “Oleanna” show how sticky the issue can be when all the doubt of honesty is thrown in the mix. And it is an excellent play. But it seems more and more like we, as a society, have sided with the idea that the victim is either at fault or not even truly a victim.

Personally, I find that unfortunate. I think that, in times of doubt, one should try to lean in favor of the person that was sexually abused.

Imagine, for a moment, how this Sandusky case would look without Mike McQueary’s testimony. Had he never seen it, we’d have eight young boys making allegations of sexual abuse against Sandusky. People would still generally be outraged, because why would kids lie about something like that? But what if they were grown men and women? Well, some of those people might just be trying to jump in on the blame train, but I bet something happened. Right? Probably. But what if, instead of rape, it was simple sexual harassment? Inappropriate fondling, unwanted sexual suggestions, et cetera. Suddenly, we’re less interested.

Play that in reverse. Often times, in these situations, the sexual harassment comes before the sexual activities. And the more we ignore the harassment and make glib, dismissive comments about it instead of deciding to check out the situation, the more complicit we become if words become actions. Sexual harassment is real and should be a real issue to people.

Am I saying Cain is as bad a person as Sandusky? No. Am I saying he should be held accountable for his actions and punished? Yes. As any unwanted sexual actions should be. But the change in society’s views has to start with the common people, like you and me. So instead of joking about the whiny women and whatnot, why not listen to what they have to say and consider what it would be like if you were in their shoes?

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Football: Crazy, Amirite?

Today, I had originally planned to write a little piece on how sexual harassment is a serious thing, comparing the rather disturbing trend of reactions to allegations of Herman Cain’s sexual harassment to the allegations of Jerry Sandusky’s illicit sexual activities with children.

Y’know, something light and fluffy.

But I’m not really sure too many people, myself included, are paying much attention to the world outside the gridiron today. I don’t know how many of you pay attention to football, but chaos is reigning supreme in the NCAA. And I may not be the biggest football fan on the planet (ask my college friends how much I knew about the University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team my freshman year), but I am definitely fond of chaos and sportscasters being as wrong as your average weatherman.

After No. 1 LSU beat No. 2 Alabama, people stopped caring about what the season was doing for the most part. Except for UA fans, who demanded a rematch between LSU and Alabama at the BCS National Championships. But the likelihood of that was slim to none.

Until this weekend.

Earlier, Stanford lost to Oregon, a one loss team only losing to LSU, Boise State lost to TCU and Oklahoma lost to Texas Tech. This weekend, No. 2 Oklahoma State lost to unranked Iowa State, No. 5 Oklahoma lost again to No. 25 Baylor, No. 7 Clemson lost to unranked N.C. State, and No. 4 Oregon lost to No. 18 USC. Tomorrow, the top three ranked teams will be undefeated LSU at No. 1, one-loss to LSU Alabama at No. 2, and one-loss to Alabama Arkansas at No. 3.

Which is fun, because that means the SEC West owns the top three spots.

And Arkansas and LSU will be playing one another this next weekend. Joy.

If Alabama can beat Auburn as soundly as they should be able to, unless LSU falls to both Arkansas and Georgia at the SEC championship, we will very likely be seeing a rematch between Alabama and LSU.

That, my friends, is the very definition of ridiculousness. (Not that rematches with the underdog winning are unheard of anywhere else. Didn’t the undefeated during the regular season New England Patriots lose the Super Bowl to a team they already beat? And I think Spain won the World Cup after beating the team they lost to in the round robins… The chaos of sports is just so fun.)

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Second First Time Viewer – “The Muppet Christmas Carol”

You almost got to see my commentary on this film before the people at The Dome UA did. That would’ve been exciting, yes? Anyway, I actually had a few things I felt I could’ve talked about, like, “How is Herman Cain still being considered as a viable candidate?” or something more religious oriented that I’ve discussed in part in my previous posts, based on what a friend of mine posited the other day. However, due to time constraints on my part, I grant you with my commentary on the fourth of the six feature films starring The Muppets. The newest movie (which will bump the number up to seven) comes out a week from today. Get excited, folks. And after that movie comes out, I’ll finally be able to actually do my Big Screen Ballyhoo segment I announced a long time ago. Because I’m going to go watch and review and hopefully love that movie. Anyway… Walmart tells me it’s Christmas time, so here’s a movie to match that.

“The Muppet Christmas Carol,” fourth film in the Muppet film series. It was produced in 1992, the first Muppet film to have no involvement from Jim Henson. He had unfortunately died two years before. Billed as a musical comedy adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” the movie remains pleasantly accurate and surprisingly dramatic/scary at some points. And with Michael Caine, a powerhouse in the acting world, this movie may actually be the best Muppet film out there yet. Not quite my favorite, but it is definitely in a battle to the death with “The Muppet Movie” for that title. Without a doubt, though, this is my favorite Dickens-related venture ever.

Oh, holy crap! Jim Henson AND Richard Hunt died before this movie was made? That’s… depressing. It’s good that Brian Henson was cool with picking up the slack in directing.

Michael Caine as Scrooge? …this and Muppets will likely make this movie the most tolerable Dickens feature yet.

I’m actually liking the random Muppety hustle and bustle in the opening here. Especially the presence of the dog from “Fraggle Rock.”

I like Gonzo as Dickens. This has the potential to be quite funny.

This song about Scrooge at the opening is a great mood setter. And a fun song.

…oh, God, those mice are ridiculously cute.

Was that a Muppet doing a puppet show? That’s… weird.

Proof Scrooge is someone everyone is deathly afraid of: Someone thanks him for not yelling at them after being bodily thrown out into the streets.

If only putting on some tropical outfits were enough to make things seem warmer.

It’s actually really difficult to constantly comment on this movie. It’s really keeping my attention. …so, that’s a good thing.

To sum up, Scrooge is a rather cruel, vindictive miser, his nephew is a cheery, optimistic ray of sunshine with huuuuuuuge cajones to act like that around Scrooge, and Rizzo is Gonzo/Dickens’ whipping boy.

I wonder how much of this dialogue is actually drawn directly from the original story.

Okay, seriously, the ONLY sign that Scrooge can be possibly redeemed from his shriveled up misery is the fact that he hasn’t yet killed his nephew for his cheekiness and suggestions of Scrooge’s generosity to the poor.

Beaker and Honeydew have to be new to this town, considering exactly how many people in the opening song knew Scrooge was more of a penny-pincher than the stereotypical Shylock-esque Jew.

Oh, a bunny! …I like bunnies. …this one is going to die, isn’t he?

Good, Kermit. Appeal to Scrooge’s desire to save money. Manipulate his lack of humanity. …I wonder if this is a fight they always have every year, or if this group was simply hired after the Marleys died?

The massive amount of positive thinking Bob Cratchit must have could power several cities, I bet, what with his ability to sing so cheerily despite working for Scrooge.

I want to hug that bunny and warm him up and keep him as a pet forever.

Okay, the door knocker changing to Statler’s face is simultaneously the coolest and creepiest effect I’ve seen in a Muppet movie. Excluding “The Dark Crystal,” which doesn’t really count.

What the heck is Rizzo, part squirrel?

“Hoity-toity, Mr. God-like smarty pants” is something I’d love to have been able to have said to Charles Dickens.

Ask not for whom the bell ring-a-lings, it ring-a-lings for you, Scrooge.

I like Scrooge’s explanation for seeing ghosts. “There’s more of gravy than of grave about you.”

Okay, “Marley and Marley” is probably my second favorite Muppet song ever.

I have to admit: Scrooge is actually pretty brave/stubborn. I probably would have eliminated my bladder if that happened to me.

Gonzo calling someone an idiot for jumping from a perilous height instead of walking? I figured he’d approve of that.

Sleeping Caine looks so young…

Okay. I know I’ve been too affected by Harry Potter when I thought Gonzo was going to shout “Expecto Patronum.”

I have absolutely no idea how that young girl ghost effect was made, but it’s pretty neat.

Ooh, light at the end of the tunnel is the past? That’ll make the afterlife more interesting.

Did Rizzo just say he’s from New Jersey? Who knew?

I am rather loving the Muppety busts of the great thinkers of the past. Needs more Socrates, though.

Skipping Christmas to get your 4.0? GPA kills childhoods!

Sam the Eagle is a British schoolmaster now? He keeps getting put in the wrong country.

…rubber chicken factory? …yeah, that sounds like 19th century London.

Mrs. Fozziwig sounds strangely like the old guy at the desk at the Happiness Hotel.

It wouldn’t be Electric Mayhem if they didn’t get really fast and crazy.

I admit: I don’t remember Scrooge being engaged. Tells you how much attention I pay to Dickens in general.

Wow. This song sounds just a little bit too upbeat to be a breakup song. In other news, this movie teaches children to marry without consideration for any financial cost. …of course, you could just get married without a massively lavish ceremony.

I love how this turned into a duet between the girl and Caine’s Scrooge.

Oh, God, Caine is crying. And it’s making me sad. It’s terrible when a good actor does sad roles, because it just makes you sad, too. ADMIT IT, YOU ARE SAD AS WELL.

In Scrooge’s defence, heartbreak is painful and can make a miser out of anyone.

Holy crap, that is a HUGE Muppet. Or, at least, he looks rather large. And seems rather dumb.

So, not really Ghost of Christmas Present, but rather Ghost of the Christmas That’s Scheduled to Happen Today.

Scrooge is dancing? I guess he just needed a good cry and a good song.

What the heck are those frog monster Muppets?

…Oh, wow. Sucks to find out your nephew/only family thinks so lowly of you despite being such a cheerful fellow.

Wow, Chef Piggy sounds creepy.

Oh, God, there’s three Piggies. Kermit’s screwed.

Was that a squeaky toy Miss Piggy had while hugging Kermit?

Insulting Scrooge’s clothing? Gasp! That’s just stepping over the line.

Dying spirit says, “Eat your own words, Scrooge! EAT THEM.”

Oh, snap. The next spirit is The Nothing. Scrooge, you’re so screwed. Oh, no wait. It’s a Nazgul. …still screwed.

Okay, the swirly time tunnel effect? Also very cool. This Muppet movie is going crazy special on the effects.

For some reason, the spider Muppet makes me think of Fagan. I’m getting my Dickens all mixed up.

Oh, God. The “Tiny Tim is dead” scene is so depressing. This movie keeps trying to make me cry. That’s just uncalled for.

You would never expect a Muppet movie to show how amazing an actor is, but Caine is phenomenal in this film.

I didn’t even realize exactly how much better than entire segment with Christmas Yet To Come was without Gonzo narrating.

And the bunny child runs off with the money, destroying all the good Scrooge feels now.

Why is no one asking if Scrooge is drunk or stoned? Most complete 180s in personality are suspicious as hell.

Old Fozzie and Old Sam look awesome.

It’s good to see Piggy still has anger problems.

And now the Cratchits are hosts to the entire town. I don’t care how big that turkey is, it won’t feed that many people and Muppets.

Holy crap, there’s a LINE to get in on this Christmas dinner. Or at least to see the freakish personality shift in Scrooge. Little known fact: Scrooge sold tickets. He may be happier, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like money.

Y’know what, screw “It’s a Wonderful Life.” THIS is the movie that needs to be on TV every year.

Hey, look, I’m man enough to admit, I teared up a couple of times during this movie. Michael Caine is phenomenal in this film (which is not surprising), and the movie finds an amazing balance between Muppety hilarity, faithful story telling, and heart-wrenching drama. There’s not much else for me to say, other than forget RottenTomatoes.com. If there’s something that website has completely wrong, it’s their ratings for the Muppet films. Humbug.

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Second First Time Viewer – “The Muppets Take Manhattan”

While I did manage to stay away from simply reposting my Muppets movie commentaries the past couple of days, a glance at the current news cycle is just depressing. There’s a lot of giant jackholery from people that are very likely child rapists and child rapist enablers, some people coming out about how their own experiences being sexually abused as children show that humanity is very often an ugly, ugly thing, and then there’s a touch of “Breaking News: People running for president on the GOP ticket are still giant morons.” Sigh. It’s rather frustrating/upsetting to think too hard on. But the next, newest Muppets film is a mere 8 days away. Am I excited? Heck yes. And you should be, too. So, I present you with my The Dome UA commentary on what is unfortunately my least favorite Muppet film (though I have yet to see “Muppets In Space,” so take that as you will).

“The Muppets Take Manhattan” is the third Muppets film, produced in 1984. It has a few things that set it apart. It’s the first film that Frank Oz directed by himself. It’s the film that debuted the Muppet Babies, who are in fact ridiculously cute. Except for Gonzo. It was the final film made before the death of Jim Henson, a titan of entertainment now sadly gone for over 20 years.

Also, this is the first Muppets film I’ve seen that has disappointed me. The songs, the story, the pacing and the humor were all… off. Mind, I’ve never seen it before watching it for this blog, but… Well, you’ll see what I have to say.

A Frank Oz Film? Sounds like a hostile takeover to me.

Woah. There are parts of Manhattan with that many trees? News to me.

So, the movie starts with a song, cutting out all the buildup from the last couple of films. Which also means no meta. Which is a bit sad.

Okay, with that much applause, people should be standing up more. Shame on you, audience.

Hm. So the Muppets are college educated. I wonder what their degrees are?

Piggy and Kermit are thinking about getting married? …yeah, that’ll end well.

Oh, man. If only getting something on Broadway were as easy as knocking on a door and badgering people. This is all a joke, right?

Oh, the guy’s a con artist. I knew something was off.

…okay, the Muppets interacting with the human like that was kind of weird. Much like the pace of this movie. Something seems off and not quite Muppety about this movie thus far.

Good to see Rizzo again. He’s the funniest part yet.

So, is Kermit flirting with the new girl? The girl who isn’t in college yet? …player.

Uh-oh, the Muppets may disband. This early in the movie, it’s like the opposite of “The Muppet Movie.”

Upon reflection, this whole going broke and living in a box (albeit a metal one) thing is one of the reasons I’m not in New York myself just yet. And this movie took place over 20 years ago, when these endeavors were much cheaper and easier to do. I don’t really think the randomly leaving New York for far corners of the earth is any smarter than leaving your original corner of the earth for New York. Seriously, guys, get an actual job.

I can only imagine the lack of reaction from the other New Yorkers to Kermit’s shouting is because they live in New York.

Ooh, mysterious person in a hat!

Ah. So that’s where the penguins are from.

Great, the theatre person is working in a restaurant. So many stereotypes to exploit in this film…

Is Kermit channeling Liberace right now? What the what?

Again with the mysterious person in the hat. Who could it be? Those sunglasses atop the snout are a perfect disguise.

…do construction workers really leer and wolf whistle women and pigs like that, or are we seeing stereotypes at play again?

Joan Rivers looks weird (so, nothing new). At least I assume that’s Joan Rivers, what with the Mick Jagger botox lips.

Wow. They both look moronic. And there’s no way they’re keeping their jobs. Aaand there it is. Apparently, beauty stores don’t like their workers to use their products, look like freaks, and scare the crap out of all the people in the store. Can’t imagine why.

These songs/musical numbers are a bit random.

Poor Rizzo, trying to be suave and failing miserably.

Finally Lew Zealand’s boomerang fish bring about hilarious results.

Man, look at Fozzie, that player. Already getting himself a woman out in nature… You go, guy.

…Electric Mayhem is not really designed for polka in my opinion.

Oh, God. Kermit with a mustache looks even worse in this movie. The massive coat doesn’t help.

Wow. Underhanded technique, the whispering campaign, but pretty effective. …well, up until the point of Liza Minnelli and the rat infestation.

With all this stalking, Miss Piggy would totally love Twitter.

Purse snatcher really should have stopped running so conspicuously after a while. Also, I can’t tell if Piggy or Animal has worse anger management problems. Piggy definitely has scarier ones, though, what with the being on wheels thing.

…a hacksaw? The living heck? Why does Piggy have a hacksaw in her purse?

Poor random skates guy. He really probably would do better to stay out of this. Except now he’s getting to cop a Piggy feel. …in the end, he’s kind of weird.

Ah, Statler and Waldorf in their element. I want to make a witty reference to the fact that they’re named after New York City hotels, but I kind of just flat out said it there.

…okay, I have to admit. The baby Muppets are ridiculously cute. And remind me too much of Charlie Brown and company. Think about it. Kermit is Charlie Brown, Piggy is Lucy, Rowlf is Schroeder… Clearly, the analogy is perfect.

Piggy got too involved in her fantasy. Entertaining.

The Muppets are far too excited about interspecies dating

Ah, Gonzo doing a ridiculous act that makes no sense and involves random song. Just like the good days.

This awkward dog owner may be the creepy villain of the film I was looking for.

Elliott Gould again? He actually looks pretty natural as a cop. “Contract killer? …whatever.”

Having a chicken dancing on stage actually might be illegal in New York. And that producer has a point. Just because it’s weird doesn’t mean it can’t make it on Broadway.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KERMIT. …wait, if that ends up being with malicious intent instead of simple manslaughter, I totally called this last movie.

Peoples is peoples. This guy Pete is a regular Russian Confucius. Rusfucius.

The show has to go up in two weeks? …sounds normal for everything that isn’t a Julie Taymor show.

Did people still use telegrams in the 80s?

Why are they all so excited about New York as if they’ve never been?

Wow. This doctor might be a bit of a hack. And a downer, what with telling the patient that there’s no hope for him.

Kermit’s voice sounds different post-amnesia. And Fozzie’s hasn’t sounded quite right all movie.

I like this ad company’s style. “It’s like x, except for all the things that make x x.”

God, the end of that scene was surreal. Also a bit creepy.

Okay, I may not have broken into show biz yet, but I’m pretty sure with one week until opening, you cast a new person as your star if he’s missing.

All this rhyming may eventually make me ill. Still.

Look how excited everybody is to hear Gonzo say it’s Kermit. What with the not moving to see if he’s right.

Oh, an almost manslaughter, a theft and a kidnapping. This may have more crime in it than the movie about stealing. Welcome to New York.

I actually kind of liked the callous pig jokes from Amnesia!Kermit.

Huh, turns out he just needed a punch in the face and to sit upside-down for a while.

…well. Those random walk-on extras memorized their scripts quite quickly. And their blocking. And Jenny made those costumes more quickly than an entire Taiwanese sweat shop could have made one.

…I may have only ever seen one show on Broadway before, but I’m pretty sure this one wouldn’t be getting applause that rampant.

I like the presence of the entire Sesame Street cast on the groom’s side (or at least I assume it’s the groom’s side). It’s nice remembering that Kermit actually got a start on Sesame Street before many of the other Muppets even existed.

Okay, THOSE baby Muppets? They’re freakin’ creepy. And kind of ugly.

Nice. Piggy conning Kermit into a marriage. Bravo. I wonder if Broadway should take a hint from Vegas and do this more often, keep the money more steadily flowing.

Okay, I can’t tell if this is still on Broadway or not. Where the heck did the fourth wall go?

…wait, that’s the end of the movie? …well, um… alright.

There was no bad guy, which is something that has made the Muppet movies more interesting previously. The music was pretty much completely unmemorable, which is really unfortunate considering how very musical the Muppets have always been. I just watched the movie less than a week ago and I can’t remember a single song. Heck, this song is far more memorable and entertaining than anything the movie offered.

And things just seemed… really off the entire film. It’s unfortunate, but this is definitely my least favorite Muppets film so far. Of course, I’ve yet to see “Muppets In Space,” so maybe we’ll have to wait to make that judgment.

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Breaking The Leg – “Auditioning For Life”

I don’t want to be unoriginal in my unoriginality, but I also don’t feel much like being original lately. (If you include the Cain/Gingrich debates, there’ve been 3 GOP hopeful debates since November 5. What the heck? Are they even bothering to say anything meaningful anymore?) But rather than drop yet another double post of my Muppets video commentaries, I’ve decided to post the first original dramatic monologue I ever wrote (as I recollect). I wrote it in the months following the breakup with my second girlfriend. Hey… it’s better than emo poetry. (That happened after my first girlfriend broke up with me. I like to think I’ve improved since.) Anyway, the monologue is really too long to be performed feasibly… but I still like it. I mean, it’s my first one. Always have a special spot for the first one.

Without further ado, here is “Auditioning For Life.”


[Scene opens with a high school teenager one a stage in front of a panel of three sitting judges, of which you only see their backs. The student is about to audition for a college scholarship.]

[Donning an alternate voice, which will slip toward normal throughout the story until the end.] Hello. My name is- Well, my name isn’t very important. Just know that I am the World’s Greatest Actor. [Pause] Oh, you laugh, do you? I can tell you don’t believe me. Well, then. I must do whatever is necessary to convince you. To do that, I will tell you about how I became such a great actor.

You might have guessed, but in case you haven’t, I’ll tell you. This isn’t my regular voice, and- Yes, this pertains to the story. As I was saying. As a child, I adored Mel Blanc. Here was a man who could be so many different people, and no one could guess it was him! So I practiced changing my voice. I’ve become so accustomed to it that I doubt you’ll ever hear me act in my regular voice. Eventually, I realized that I could do the same thing with my personality. So I put on masks, if you will, to please who ever I was with at the time, using a different personality for each person.

…It’s an interesting thing, human nature. I know that I am not unique in my mask wearing, not at all. Most everyone assumes a mask to please people. However, almost everybody uses a mask as a form of defense, to hide their true feelings and their true personality. It also helps hide their weaknesses. And it is a very powerful defense indeed. With a mask, no one can know how you truly feel unless you take it off. Oh, others may ask you to, urge you to, but, in the end, you are the only one who can take it off.

I took off my mask once. Only once. I don’t know why- Heh. Yes I do. I had one reason. I loved her. Oh, yes, I loved her. Many would scoff and say, “You didn’t love her, it was only lust. You were far too young, you couldn’t know love.” I’ll admit, I was young. Only fifteen. But it was love, all the same. I loved her, and she, me. …For a while. For one year, three months, and thirteen days, in fact. [Pause] …You know, I never realized… [Hold up right index finger] One year, [Hold up left index through ring fingers, holding hands close together] three months. Thirteen. [Put down hands] Thirteen days. Again, thirteen. Twice misfortune. It’s almost enough to make me superstitious.

After that period, a period in which I was an overall happy and maskless person, she came to me. And I knew what she was going to say. Even if I didn’t, her words would have stuck with me. She said, “I’m sorry. I don’t love you anymore.” …I wanted to scream, shout, beg! I wanted to say, “But why, why?! Tell me what I’ve done wrong! Let me fix it, let me change it! Please, I love you!” …But I didn’t. I only said, “You know that this will be the last time we talk.” She said she knew. At that, I turned and walked away. I didn’t want her to see my tears. Not because I was trying to be manly, to hide my sadness. There was some sorrow in my tears, but these were not tears of grief. No, these were tears of bitterness, of hate. I did not want her to see my hate, for I still loved her. I only kept walking until I found myself at my residence.

That was when I truly felt the pain. Without my mask, her attack, for that was how I saw it, went straight into my heart. I screamed and cried and thrashed about, like an unearthly beast. I slammed my fists against the walls until my hands were scarred, my knuckles bled, and my blood painted the walls. After the pain of my flesh went numb, I let out the pain of my soul. I cried and cried. For a straight hour, I just sat there, tears streaming down. Finally, when my tears could no longer run without my body becoming dehydrated, I stopped. I stopped crying, I stopped caring… And I stopped loving her. I then put a mask on over my heart, a mask to never come down, a mask to hide the ugliness of what I had become. I later put on a mask of normality, and went on as if nothing had gone wrong.

[Pause, coming out of reverie] That, gentlemen, is why I am the World’s Greatest Actor. At age seventeen, I have put on more fake expressions, pretended more emotions, and used more false personalities to go through life than most professional actors do in their careers. [Laughing] Heck, I’ve mastered more parts than there are people in Les Miserables. [Pause] In fact… In fact, I’ve been acting for so long… I’ve forgotten which part I’m trying to play.

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Paterno, Bullying And Other Such Chit-Chat

Well, I finally got around to editing the posts I said I would. My post discussing the schools in Essex that have teachers telling student victims of bullying due to their sexuality to stop acting so gay has its content updated, and I’ve finished my discussion about the unfortunate case of Joe “JoePa” Paterno and how apathy is an ubiquitous sin everyone needs to free themselves from. Apologies to the many several people that came to look at my JoePa article and saw maybe 50 words and a link to Shepard Smith saying stuff. It’s better now. I even went back to talk more about Ludo and “The Boat Song,” which you should really check out.

There has been a whole heck of a lot of revelations about sexual inappropriateness happening lately, hasn’t there? Herman Cain is up to, what, five women now? And apparently students at Penn State have been rioting over the decision to fire JoePa.

It’s a crazy world we live in sometimes.

Anyway, I think instead of my more recent regrettable practice of frantically posting a link to something random at 5 ’til midnight with the promise of going back and editing it to a better quality, I’m going to start putting up my “Second First Time Viewer”-esque blog posts that have been featuring in that other blog I’ve told you I do (Currently about “The Muppets” movies. So awesome.). You would be better to go read the blogs on that website, since I include humorous pictures and videos in that blog… but I’ll start leaking them over here as well when things get hairy.

…so, apparently, there was a Republican debate. …I think the JoePa thing stole a LOT of thunder from that. Not to mention, watching the twelfth debate or so gets really tiring…

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