So, you know how I’ve talked about how frustrated men that refer to themselves as “nice guys” have kind of created a mythical place known as the “friend zone” in order to sort of make people envision them as being imprisoned unjustly? A sort of place that they’re trapped in unfairly, and if someone would just give them a chance then they’d be fantastic?
I’ve mentioned that I understand the frustration and even used the term “friend zone” once as a way to convey being turned down as a potential partner earlier that day. I used to generally consider myself a nice person, an okay companion (though self-esteem issues have shot that line of thought right in the kipper… whatever that is (apparently it’s a fish, so please don’t ask why I’m using the word, I honestly haven’t a clue except that it sounds appropriate)). I generally avoided, and still do, trying to say, “I’m a nice guy.” The way I see it, it’s kind of like saying, “I’m not racist.” If you have to clarify and make that statement, then you’re probably racist. Not to mention, there is a massive “But…” that seems implied to the end of that. Like saying, “I’m not racist, but black people are just dumber than white people.” That statement and belief? That makes you racist.
So, when people say, “I’m a nice guy,” I kind of wait for the but. Thing is, the but is usually not something they say. Men won’t say, “I’m a nice guy, but I would totally rape that woman.” If only they’d say that. No, instead, there are unconscionable people that simply do horrific things like that. Am I saying all people claiming to be nice guys are rapists? No, of course not. But some of them? Yeah.
Though, actually, it’s funny how I said they usually don’t say the “but.” Because on OKCupid, they say it ALL THE TIME.
OKCupid is a free online dating website. I got one years and years ago, back when they were known for their random quizzes, like the ones that used to be on Facebook that would determine your Hogwarts house and your personality type and yadda yadda. I misspelled my screen name, too. It’s utterly dreadful and I’m sure it makes me look like a complete idiot, but I don’t want to change my screen name because then I’d have to re-answer all the questions I’ve already answered. …well, I may do it someday.
Anyway, my failed methods of attracting the opposite gender aren’t the point. OKCupid determines your compatibility with someone through a series of questions. There are thousands of these things. The more you answer, the more accurate your compatibility rating will be, supposedly. You get rated as match percentage, friend percentage and enemy percentage. You can tell them how important the question is to you and which answers you’ll accept from a potential mate. It’s interesting to be sure.
What’s really interesting is the number of “nice guys” that go on there and answer questions that basically fill out that but for them. “I’m a nice guy, but I think there are times when my partner is obligated to have sex with me.” That’s just one example.
Now, unfortunately, the site took a hit of some kind and lost its archive (it’s rebuilding at the moment), but there’s a Tumblr account called Nice Guys of OKCupid that is dedicated to finding these supposed “nice guys,” pointing out their hypocrisies and terrible natures and serving up a bit of sass to them. And I think it’s a great public service. A guy says he’d be willing to take advantage of a drunk woman? Bzzt! Not dating material.
If only these “nice guys” would be more up front about this stuff in real life… at least some of them are showing their true colors online. Because true colors… well, that’s something to discuss later. For now, just be satisfied in knowing that you aren’t a “nice guy” if you generally disrespect a woman and her right to choose how she looks or what she does in her free time.